I MAKE my husband have his own bank account.
Bear with me here guys. Don’t go calling out the lynch mob just yet. Let me give you some back story.
My husband and I have a bit of a polar relationship with money. I’m an uber saver; like a squirrel prepping for a really bad winter. He is an uber spender; like the world is ending tomorrow and he should go buy everything!
If you put us together, we average out to a very healthy financial medium! But if we were left to our own devices, I would never spend a penny and he would be completely broke in 3 seconds flat.
If you gave my husband $100, you would come back to him an hour later and ask him where all the money went. He has no money left but lunch was great. Money burns a hole in his pocket faster than anyone I’ve ever met.
That’s why we found a financial compromise.
He has his own bank account with $25 a week in it. And that’s it.
Again, before you go and crucify me, we agreed to this. Both of us agreed.
“But wouldn’t it just be easier to have him control his spending ?”
Oh, my friend, yes. It would. But after years and years of trial-and-error, and overdrafts, and therapy, this is, in fact, the easiest answer for us.
“But doesn’t HE make the money?!”
Yep! And he knows that I know what to do with it much better than he does. We’re a family. We agreed, going into this marriage, that he would work and I stay home and homeschool the kids. Part of my job as President of this household is CFO (Chief Financial Officer). I manage the money. And part of that is managing the spenders of that money. We’re a team and I’ve been elected as Captain, but that doesn’t detract from the importance of the team as a whole.
“But is there equality? Do you only get $25 a week too?”
Yes, I do. I have $25 each week that gets put into an account, and if I ever want to spend money, it’s there for me when I need it. I don’t go out very often and I don’t really have a need to spend anything outside of the necessities.
Remember, I’m a saver. I have a nasty habit of saving money instead of spending it on myself. And I’m okay with that! If I spend $25 a month on something fun for me , I will do a self-care-happy-dance because I need to remember to fill up my bucket so that I can pour into others.
The marriage of a saver and a spender can work if there is a balance of love and understanding.
If you take nothing else away from this, remember that marriage is a balance. It’s a team effort. As long as the spender knows that they have a spending problem, and that any budgeting for them is done from a place of love and respect and not out of a need to control, that is the key here.
My husband knows that he gets $25 a week to spend on just stuff for himself not out of a place of anger or bitterness or hatred, but out of love and trying to do what’s best for a family as a whole.
How do you control the spender in your relationship?
We have done this for years! I’ve never understood how people share a bank account for those little every day expenses and not wind up broke at the end of the month. We get $50/week and I put $10 of mine in my own savings so I have money for presents and my spouse spends every penny and then goes “I don’t have any money to buy you anything.” I can’t help but laugh and roll my eyes before flopping down and saying “Give me a $60 massage then!” If we didn’t have separate accounts for spending then we would have to do cash allowances and I hate dealing in cash because it’s so easy to lose.
My husband is the same way. But he won’t concede to an allowance budget yet. He’s racked up enough late fees and overdraft fees that he needs it. Lol
Oooh you have given me validation to my thought. I have the same issue with my husband and i have been thinking of doing this for a long time but was never sure on how to do it. Sincerely thank you!
We just started doing something similar last month with a job change. We do cash since we don’t want to deal with multiple accounts. Ours isn’t equal, but I’m fine with that. His hobby, golf, is more expensive. I’ve only spent $15 in two months while he has spent just about all of his. It’s new to us, but something I’ve been wanting to do it for a long time.
I’m the same way, Carolyn. I have this nasty habit of just NOT spending money on myself. Which can be a good thing! I recently started going to the gym and that’s my big splurge (a whole $10 a month, I know). I’m glad that cash it working for you! It’s really a great way to make sure that you stick to a budget!
Caroline–I found this on Pinterest and had to stop by and say thank you for saying this! It sounds exactly like my husband and myself. Except mine would never agree to an allowance. We have a joint bank account, and I still have my own account from before we were married. I use it for my online income, and it kills him that I have money in mine when he has emptied ours. Which is why we keep having little financial catastrophes happen to us!
An example? Last week he had a flat tire. It couldn’t be repaired, so he said on Monday he would “have” to buy TWO new tires.
Why two, right now when we can’t really afford one?
Because he might need one later. Ugh!
Maybe I should read him this post!
I love this idea. We’ve been married a long , long time and this year is the first time we’ve tried this. My DH was a bit skeptical at first, but now we both love it. Thanks for speaking frankly about your experiences.
Laura | Low Carb Joy recently posted…Speedy Low Carb English Muffins
I have done this with my husband for years too. We each get 150/week (believe me I was sick of him going over it so just agree to that fairly exorbitant amount :p) and I save a fair bit he spends every sent but is slowly getting more financially conscious to my delight. People always think it’s weird when we pay separately but if we didn’t it would end up he would spend endless amounts and I’d spend nothing and we BOTH work full time so I’m not about to shout him endless expenses on things we don’t need.
Definitely works for us 🙂
Exactly, Jessica! Equality is key here so that there’s no resentment! As long as it works for you, there’s no reason to change the method. “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it,” right? 🙂
We do this and it works so well. I’m surprised more people don’t do it. We each need our own money to spend on ourselves as part of our self care. It took us a while to find what works for us, when we first got together the spending was out of control so I’m glad we worked out a budget with money for us.
I’m not sure I get it. He pays for gas, lunch, collections at the office, and gum or whatever on $25 a week? I allot $40/day for hubby’s stuff (though the company pays for gas every third week when he’s on call). Do you mean $25/day, which I could maybe squeeze if I put my foot down, or is he actually trying to get ahead at work with $25 a week in his pocket? Like, he can never pick up the check for lunch with coworkers or bring coffee to the boss without asking for payment?
Hi Katie! My husband doesn’t work in an office building, so there’s no collections, or lunches with co-workers, and they can’t bring food or drinks out of the breakroom. He works in a steel fabrication shop, which is a dirty, manual job. He and his co-workers all bring their own lunches and eat in the lunch room. And every year for holidays, birthdays, and boss day, I bake cookies or brownies for his bosses and for his co-workers. So for him and for us, $25 a week works really well. He packs his lunch in a cooler with a few ice packs and it stays cold until it’s time for lunch. I can see if your husband is going out that it’s just not feasible to do $25 a week! My husband used to buy food (from a convenience store like Sheetz or a Wawa, depending on where you are in the country!) and he’d get a sub/ hoagie for dinner for about $5-7 a day on top of when he was smoking for $30 a week. But since he cut out his bad habit and really started planning and packing his own lunches, it’s really saved us money! But everyone is different! If you can make $25 work for your budget, give it a try!